Big Shitty Cupcakes

This is a terrible cupcake.

I’ve always been confused by the interior of Big City Cupcakes for one. It’s very dark and empty looking from the street. No music, very little inviting smell. The only thing that gives any indication of happy happy cupcakes is the sign “NOW OPEN”. Well of course you’re NOW OPEN, you’ve been bloody NOW OPEN for over a year, take down the arbitrary sign.

While the presentation of the actual cupcakes is fine, they did display two giant cupcakes, or rather small regular cakes with cupcake-like decorations, which looked as if they had been there for weeks. In fact one had been on display for 9 days, as proudly displayed by the tag on it “baked fresh on June 27th”. And it was rather telling as the icing had gone two shades of dry, the sprinkles had released their dye into the icing in little puddles, and the sugar paste cherry had melted and drooped.

The nice girl at the counter had a rather annoying habit of suggesting the exact opposite of what I had just asked for as soon as I had asked for it.  I ordered the peanut butter with white cake for instance, and it was then suggested that I try the chocolate cake version.”That’s ok, I’ll just try the white cake today.””Well you really can’t beat peanut butter and chocolate!””I’m not really a fan of chocolate cake. Don’t know why, it’s just a thing of mine.””But you really must try it!”At this point I actually just grabbed my card and stood with it projected towards her in the only way I could think of for her to stop harassing me about my taste in cakes.

I tried two cupcakes. The strawberry cheesecake cake was greasy, the puddle of baked-in cheesecake was at the top of the cupcake, quite pointlessly as that’s also where the icing is anyway. I feel fillings should be in the middle of whatever it is; a blob of filling basically on top is just lazy. And on the topic of icing, it was runny cream cheese icing only suspended on top in a pocket of filmy dried up icing.

The peanut butter was again with the blob of peanut butter on top instead of the middle where the filling should rightfully go. The icing was grainy and intensely normal. The actual cake was so greasy and oily that it felt like the cake had been baked and then dunked in oil. We’re talking greasy fingers afterwards. That’s off-putting.

I also cannot get my head around how Big City Cupcakes has opened so many mediocre cupcake shops, and all at the same time. How many places does Greater Vancouver need that exclusively sell cupcakes? HOW MANY???

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